Thwarted!

I totally forgot I had a friend’s birthday party last night. Blargh. So I had to skip spin class while I got some work done, then headed out. I was super nervous at first because I didn’t know anyone there except the birthday girl and her boyfriend, which is like my personal nightmare. I HATE when I only know the host, because obviously they have to host and mingle so I can’t cling on to them, ha ha. It was actually really fun though, it was a small enough crowd that everyone was kind of sitting around together, so I didn’t feel like I had to try and walk up and randomly join a group of strangers. Had some good conversation, a piece of cookie cake, then I ate some pasta when I got home. Disappointed in myself.

Today I have kind of eaten a lot for it only being 2pm but I am under my calories… I’m doing zumba tonight and then going to just eat a salad for dinner so I stay under my calories.

Another blogger said she read through my whole blog yesterday and felt inspired by my honesty about my struggles and my perseverance. I decided it’d be a good idea to read though as well… I just finished up and am feeling pretty positive right now. I kind of forgot how many times I fell down and had to pick up and start again. This is just another one of those times… hard to see the forest for the trees, I guess. I really liked reading through all my excited “I made progress” posts… I can do this!!!!

Previously, on “God, I’m Fat”

Well, another week or so of fail. I haven’t checked my weight because I’m retaining the equivalent of Lake Superior at the moment. Thank you, cheese. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say I was up 4 or 5 again. :/

I’ve started on the right-ish foot today at least. I had some unsalted rice cakes with egg salad on them. I love egg salad so much! And I’m heading to a spin class tonight. I feel pretty lethargic but I know I’ll feel better after class.

I think the poor eating has been a combination of stress over busy season starting and this family issue that is occurring. I’m partly feeling guilty because I’m not doing the “good daughter” thing (according to Catholics, anyway… I am not one but the effects from my childhood still linger.) and also I think it’s a little bit of “you can’t tell me what to do” rebellion. It’s one of the ways I feel I can have some semblance of control when family stuff starts encroaching on my life too much. If that makes sense. Ah, food… someday you’ll just be food instead of an emotion regulation tool!
I’ve also been dealing with some aches and pains… my back has been semi-out for a while and I think I have achilles tendonitis or something. So as much as I love the gym, that kind of takes the wind out of my sails when working out hurts in the bad-not-good way. My wrist is also still fairly sore so it hurts during spin class. I can’t find a comfortable position for it.

I’m glad things have started well today, anyway. Nothing like a fresh start.

PS. Holy crap! I almost just posted this on my work blog!!!!!! Pro tip: never be logged into both your blogs at the same time… ahhhhh! That would’ve been dreadful.

Food Funk

I’m in a total food funk right now. What do you guys do when this happens? (If it happens) I have pretty much no desire to eat healthy food right now, no desire to cook… I’m totally indecisive because I don’t have a taste for anything other than pizza, ha ha. I went grocery shopping Sunday AND Monday, and Monday night I was wandering around the kitchen gazing sadly at the cupboards and fridge like “there’s nothing to eaaaaaaat wahhhh” because I just didn’t feel like deciding, cooking or cleaning. Seriously, how can you go to the store twice in 2 days and feel like you have nothing to eat? I went and pouted on the couch for a while and finally got myself to make some spring rolls at about 10pm. It was a healthy, low-cal meal, at least! But it’s just like every meal is like pulling teeth. My usual go-to foods have lost their luster, at least for now… I don’t know what’s wrong with me!

lethargy

ugh… it is 80 degrees IN my house right now. I’m just sitting here sweating.

The last week wasn’t my best. I keep falling back off the wagon when I get on. I don’t know what my lame excuse for eating poorly was last week, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I had a big long 3 day work thing Fri-Sun, so that never ends well, food-wise. I randomly purchased some ice cream and ate all of it in one day. Ew! So I’m back up a couple. I was doing well with the gym, but my back is strained from too much zumba and carrying heavy stuff for work. The chiropractor was actually taken aback (ha) at how many times I cracked. Still pretty tender between the shoulder blades right now.

I tried to start this week off on the right foot with a nice salad, but it was just grossing me out. I think I’m over spring mix for a while. This is what happens… I get obsessed with something and eat it constantly til I’m sick of it. I’ll make sure I’m under my calories today, but I just feel so gross… it’s so hot and sticky, my house is messy, I’m grumpy… ha! One of the things I hope for the most for when I get back down to a healthy weight is that I will be able to tolerate heat better. I’m so sick of being a sweaty, grouchy mess anytime it gets hot or humid. :/

The good news is my skin looks pretty fantastic right now. That’s exciting. One less thing to worry about! I actually opened the door to the fedex man with no makeup on!

Whoa!

Down another pound today, so I’m officially at the weight I was before vacation. I am totally shocked. A few days back to eating semi-properly and it’s just falling off… I wonder if it’s because I already blazed this trail a few weeks ago? You know, like maybe it’s easier because I just lost this weight a few weeks ago? That sounds pretty scientific, right? I wonder what’ll happen tomorrow as I try to move past 19.8 into uncharted territory.

Yesterday I did a crazy zumba class and burned 680 calories in an hour. Whew! I think I really need to recalibrate my heart rate monitor wit the fitness test thing because my heart rate was through the roof during class yesterday. It was hot and humid in the room, but still, I was at like 85-92% almost the whole time. I ate a lot though, I was running around all day with jobs and meetings so I had a bagel, a big salad and some chocolate, a frozen pizza, a beer and more chocolate. My calories were around 2200 yesterday, although technically I was under my limit due to the exercise. But I don’t usually lose when I eat that much food, even if I did work out a lot. I’m flabbergasted.

I made a spring roll feast for lunch today… ugh, soooo good. I like vegetables but if you just put a pile of them in front of me I’d be like “meh” but as soon as you add in this practically-non-existent rice paper wrapper, I’m like GET IN MY BELLY AHHHHH.

Prep is easy, but making the actual rolls is tough… mine were all misshapen and completely fell apart at first bite. Oh well, I still ate the hell out of ‘em!

Man, it’s so much more fun to blog when you’re making progress!

 

 

Uh, as if…

There was no way I was actually going to stick to waiting a week to check on my weight. I barely waited a day! The universe was very, very kind to me during this 3 week binge… it looks like I only gained like 2.5ish. Amazing. Really… if you knew what I’d been eating between vacation and not having a kitchen, it is amazing. So, that certainly buoyed me for my return to healthy eating.

Yesterday I ate really well, only 1486 calories and a walk and about an hour of extreme wii games with a friend, so I was feeling good. Down .6 this morning.

Today I went over, I think I ate nearly all of my calories at brunch, then did some stress eatin’ when I got home so I think I’m around 2k for the day. Not the end of the world. Oh, family!

Winding Down

Ok, so my kind-of-hurting wrist turned into full on disability this week. Tuesday morning I woke up and it was so, so bad. I couldn’t do anything with it. It’s really difficult to do things with one hand/arm, I’ll tell you that. This happened once two years ago and it was so bad I went to urgent care thinking I somehow broke it. Same deal this time, except I already knew what it was so no urgent care. I don’t know how to describe the pain, but it is excruciating. Bending the wrist, picking anything up… pulling up my pants hurt, I couldn’t dry my hair, typing… even putting my arm through a shirt was difficult. Ugh. It is finally feeling better today thankfully, but I needed to whine a bit ha ha. I wonder what causes it.

I think my kitchen will be done today, which is so exciting. It was supposed to be done last thursday and as always happens with contractors it has taken more than twice as long. It does look really great though. New cabinets, counters, sink, backsplash, faucet… a garbage disposal! Love it. Here was my inspiration picture (I don’t own this picture and unfortunately don’t know who does!):
I’m excited to prepare food in my new space. I’m sure it’ll be more fun because of the new sink/faucet and also because it’s nice to look at. I can’t wait to get back to my normal sleep schedule (these guys come at 7am so I have to get up at 6, EWWW), eating schedule, workout schedule, etc etc etc. Hooray for me undoing all the terrrrrrible decisions I have made in the last 3 weeks of vacation/construction! I’ll update weight sometime next week… I want a week or so of back-to-normal eating before I check in on that. I don’t even want to know how much water I’m retaining because of salt intake right now. Human waterballoon, sexayyyy y’all!!!!!!

PS. Cool news: I had a blood test and asked to see my cholesterol… it’s 198 so that’s at the very top end of the normal range. I do want to lower it, but it’s a fine number. But the great news is that my triglycerides are 75. They’re supposed to be under 150. The nurse was like “Wow, these are great!” I think she was surprised a fatty could have such a good number ha ha.

PPS Stupid myfitpal broke my streak of logins… I had 105, and I logged in on the 106th day and it started me over. I did NOT miss a day. I’m so pissed. I seriously get a lot of pleasure from the login and weight loss updates and lord knows I haven’t had any weight loss ones in a while, so all I had left was the consecutive days! Balls!